Drown Me In Your Misery
by amazing07
Summary: Nadine is being forced to marry a man she doesn't love while the man she does won't take his cobalt eyes off of her.


2013

Her sky blue eyes seemed dead at the first glance of her statuesque pose, strong and tall despite the despair written all over her beautiful face. The closer observer, however, could see the anger and the hatred bubbling underneath the surface. The warm, kind nurse had gone cold with fear, doubt, and loathing, warping her into someone she hardly recognized.

But that wasn't why she hated him.

She hated him because of the words she was being forced to say, the hand she was being forced to hold, the preacher she was being forced to repeat, and the man she was being forced to marry.

Peering up into the cold cornflower blue eyes, Nadine couldn't help but wish for the playful cobalt ones to be staring back at her instead. She didn't want to marry Jason. She wanted to marry her Cowboy, her Lucky.

She could feel his eyes on her from the back of the church, desperate for her to look at him. But she couldn't. If she did, she'd run to him, and her deal with Jason would be null and void. She had to protect Lucky and herself and the baby she carried in her belly.

But Lucky would think the baby to be Jason's, and Jason would have Lucky's son while Lucky had Jason's baby boy. Nadine thought it to be oddly poetic. Almost Shakespearean.

She was doing it to save all three of them. Freud would have a field day with this twisted little triangle, their shadows and nooks and crannies hiding secrets no one should ever know.

It was her own fault. Hers and Jason's. Once she had loved him, but nothing compared to what she felt for Lucky Spencer. He had saved her when her life with Jason had fallen apart after Sonny killed himself, leaving Jason open to all sorts of enemies. When he couldn't walk away from the mafia lifestyle, she walked away from him.

Having seen more than one woman ruined over the likes of Jason Morgan, Lucky took her in and became her friend and then so much more. Everything was ominously perfect.

Until Jason decided he wasn't done with her after all. Things had happened, Nadine witnessed things that had robbed her of what innocence she had left, and they had ended up here.

Lucky's life in exchange for her hand in marriage to the mob boss with cold eyes.

Fair was fair, at least that's how Jason had put it, and Nadine had agreed.

Albeit… reluctantly with a broken heart.

As she said her vows, tears straining her voice, Nadine could still feel his azure eyes on her, begging and pleading. Silently, she sent out all of her love to him, remembering the first time she realized what a truly amazing man Lucky really was.

_Another night, another day, feeling like she was lacking. Like every problem she'd had with first Nikolas and then Jason stemmed from the fact that she didn't know how to love or be loved by anyone. That she wasn't enough for such intense, passionate men. _

"_Nadine?" Lucky called out, walking down the stairs, glancing at the digital clock. 2:34 AM._

"_Oh," Nadine wiped her eyes, embarrassed. "Did I wake you?"_

"_No, I was up." He sat down beside her, pulling her thin body into his strong embrace. "What's wrong?"_

"_Am I enough? Is it me that's the problem? Am I unlovable?"_

"_You are so easy to love that I couldn't even help myself from falling for those big blue eyes." And he kissed her, and she was ensnared by the sweet, gentleness of his tongue as it swept over her own. Nadine had never been kissed like this before Lucky._

"_Wow," She murmured as he pulled away._

"_Good wow, I hope."_

"_The best wow. Aunt Raylene always used to say the best kisses left a girl just as speechless as the bad ones, and this was definitely one the best kisses." And she kissed him again, running her hand along his jaw, and she never wanted to stop._

"And do you, Nadine, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" And she froze. Jason's face looked expectantly at her, waiting. She could feel the entire congregation staring at her. They were waiting for something she didn't want to give. She didn't have it to give. Lucky was already her husband in every way that mattered to her.

"Nadine?" Jason murmured, snatching her attention away from her inner turmoil back to the man she was supposed to be marrying and the man she loved, dying a little inside with every second that passed by, waiting to see if she was truly going to give up on them.

It would be okay though. Nadine believed that. Hadn't Aunt Raylene always said the night was darkest before dawn? Well, the sky was pitch black, but Nadine knew her dawn was coming. She had her baby to think about, and part of that was making sure that their father was safe.

She could handle anything as long as she knew Lucky was going to be all right which was a good thing because it looked like she didn't have a choice either way. It was what it was.

There was no going back now.

Daring a single look to the back of the church, she saw Lucky. Her mouth turned up in bittersweet smile as she saw the tear stains on his cheeks, and she knew this was the right thing. She had to protect him.

Quickly, she turned back to her future husband, swallowing the bile rising in her throat at the mere thought of Jason as her husband.

"I do."

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